Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
