I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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