Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
