I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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