I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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