my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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