I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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