I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize