I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
