yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
