She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
