his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just had sex on a roof
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
