this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
