the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
