So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
