Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
