so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
