It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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