dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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