At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
