im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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