She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
