I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
