woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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