I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
