Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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