so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
