i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
