lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
