I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
