my phone needs a breathalizer
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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