just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
