Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
