so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
