White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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