upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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