I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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