i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
