Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
