We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
