I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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