so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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