I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
