my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
