you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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