wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
