You just made me feel so damn special
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize