im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
