he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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