Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize