my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
