in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
