If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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