You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
