dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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