Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
