you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
