So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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