so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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