FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I supernannyed him into submission
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
