I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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