When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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