I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Rumble strips road head = magical
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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