Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm just crazy horny about you
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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