you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
