Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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