Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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