The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
