at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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