I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
