Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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