My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
