If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
