He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
